Interview With…..

stolendolphins is very excited to be able to tell you that today I will be asking questions of ex-SeaWorld trainer BRIDGETTE PIRTLE!

I know!!! I feel so very fortunate that BRIDGETTE PIRTLE has managed to find the time (in-between changing sides and defaming people) to actually sit down.

So, without further ado let’s get to the questions, shall we? because frankly I have no interest in where you grew up and what school you went to….

 I hope you don’t mind BRIDGETTE but I took advantage of the office  having a Starbucks right next door, and I bought you a coffee….I heard that you used to work for them? Is that right? I do hope that you didn’t stand on the customers’ faces or dance on the tables! Standing on faces is never a good idea, is it? Not that I need tell you that, obviously.


Wrong Picture credit SeaWorld Texas

Never clever. Picture Credit SeaWorld Texas

I have been looking at some of the images of you, BRIDGETTE, well they are everywhere, aren’t they? You certainly do seem to like sharing your pictures with everyone, don’t you? I guess you haven’t heard of OPPS, then? No? “Other People’s Photographs Syndrome” to be precise. It’s quite the phenomena. Too many of the same old thing and people start heaving huge frustrated sighs and feeling in a bit of a tizzy over yet another picture of you draped over an orca’s face. This leads to naughty words being hurled at the computer screen and the need for a large glass of something alcoholic. I did hear of a case where OPPS actually caused pregnancy. Honestly, one anti-captivity advocate got so upset and inebriated that the only way to calm her shredded nerves was for her husband to, well…’re an engaged person I’m sure I don’t need to tell you what happened next. It’s going to be a girl apparently. I did suggest they call her BRIDGETTE in your honour, but strangely the phone went dead. I’m sure it wasn’t anything I said.

 Anyway let’s get back to business, shall we? Those SeaWorld wetsuits! My word, they aren’t very flattering are they? All that grippy lycra? I’m sure that even a butt pimple would stick out like a mountain! Seriously though, I wouldn’t want my spare tyre (well, if I had one, obviously) on show. I think you’re very brave, dear. Quite radical in this day and age when we are all supposedly striving for the “body beautiful”. What? That’s a fold of material? Really? Ooops.

Just not terribly flattering. Photo By Bridgette Pirtle

Just not terribly flattering.
Photo By Bridgette Pirtle

So tell me, BRIDGETTE what was it like? Bossing great big orca around? Making them do what you want? Being totally in control of their lives? Is that why you are a dance teacher now? So you can carry on being bossy? Also, how was it? All that clapping and cheering from the audience? Did you enjoy being in the spotlight? The centre of attention? is that why you are a dance teacher now? So you can carry on being the centre of attention? Don’t know about you dear, but I see a bit of a pattern emerging here.

SeaWorld must have been such a special place to work….I understand it doesn’t take too long to get rid of the smell of fish, although I will just open a window if it’s all the same to you. It must have been very difficult for you to make the decision to leave. Why did you leave, exactly? Was it Halyn? Wasn’t Halyn your favourite? The one you bottle fed? Because if it was, your decision-making process must be a bit on the iffy side, given that Halyn died in 2008 and you left in 2011. Or maybe it was just disillusionment with the management? The management you are angling to get your job back with, or is that just a scurrilous rumour?  Or maybe it was that there was no sign of waterworks returning any time soon and the spotlight doesn’t work so well when confined to a stage, does it? Because you do love the spotlight don’t you? The idea that people follow you and hang on your every word? Like, say…..Twitter? How many followers do you have? In excess of 14,000? That’s quite impressive, but how many do you really have?

bimples 5


bimples 2

Really awkward

Now while I don’t have anywhere near 14,000 followers….something we both have in common….in the spirit of fair play I checked my own Twitter account at the same time….

bimples 4

Not awkward at all

Still not awkward at all.

Still not awkward at all

In case more perspective is needed, Ricky Gervais has over 5 million followers (5,490,207 to be exact) yet look at his score

No extras here

No extras here

So, did you buy them? Or were they a gift? Because I cannot see how any Twitter account can have so many fake accounts unless they are deliberate and therefore you know about them? Not, of course that I am accusing you of being fake…

Let’s get back to SeaWorld….oh look, another thing we have in common. I do so like it when there’s common ground, don’t you?

A lot of people have been asking when you lost your compassion? Because clearly you were very upset over Halyn, yet you didn’t leave did you? You continued to use orca as both surfboard and launchpad right up until the tragic death of Dawn Brancheau and then claim that it was that incident that made you leave. Even though it was 13 months after the event. See? I worry about your decision-making skills, lovie. They aren’t very acute are they?

Your decision to alienate every single anti-captivity advocate who refused to fly your flag wasn’t overly clever either, was it? Endlessly calling people “radical” and accusing them of having an “agenda” is really very tiresome, don’t you think? Wanting to return orca to the ocean isn’t radical, it’s compassionate and morally right. We know that many of them can never be free of human care as humans have ruined them, and you know full well that we don’t want to tip them into the ocean to fend for themselves. You know it because we have told you countless times, haven’t we? But maybe you are so busy banging the SeaWorld drum that you cannot hear us? So how is wanting the best for them so radical? Do tell, because this is the only time and place that you can. You systematically remove comments from your page if you don’t like what is being said and then block the person altogether. Why do that? Why surround yourself with sycophants? Just because you love the adoration? Or is there a different reason as to why you refuse to enter into a debate? It can’t be because you are backward in coming forward, because you seem to have plenty to say about “Blackfish”, don’t you? Now, does the month have an “R” in it? Oh, yes it does…so that must mean that currently you are anti-Blackfish. I find it so hard to keep track, don’t you?

You see BRIDGETTE, a lot of people are very miffed with you and I’d love to know exactly how much money what it was that changed your opinion? Because when Blackfish premiered way back last year, you were all over it, in much the same way you used to drape yourself over an orca’s face. Frankly, that’s when some of us…the “radical activists” as you call us…began to get just a teensy bit bored of your self-promotion. Particularly when you insisted on using your photographs to drive the point home. So many of us asked you why you would do this, how does a picture of you gurning next to a captive orca promote animal welfare? So many of the people who asked this question have now been blocked from your page. Not because we were rude or abusive, but simply because you can’t answer the question so you “pull a SeaWorld” and just block the person altogether. Isn’t that just a tiny bit, well, dumb? But you aren’t content with that are you? People upset you (Heaven forfend) so you allegedly “stalk” them instead? Check their blogs and tumblr accounts? Multiple times? Make false accusations? Write libelous comments about people? All because they asked a question? Well, here’s a question BRIDGETTE PIRTLE, what the hell is with you? You are the schoolyard bully, the coward who doesn’t even know their own mind. Not that it comes as surprise, seeing as you change it so often.

So here we are, in JanuaRy (see the “R”?) and you have become a full-on anti-Blackfish advocate. Is it because the documentary stopped premiering and you had nowhere left to self-promote? You do seem to lose interest once the spotlight is off you, don’t you dear? Isn’t that why you left SeaWorld? Because, for your own safety you were required to stay on dear old terra firma? Now, I’m sure this is a complete coincidence, but your change of face seems to come at the same time that no anti-captivity advocate seemed to want to interview you. John Hargrove went all over the place, didn’t he? Remember him? You two were like Bonnie and Clyde Laurel and Hardy Cassidy and Sundance Punch and Judy shit and shovel ugh….two things that go together. But that all changed, didn’t it? Were you feeling left out? Did that pesky spotlight move again?

Never mind, dear because finally you have shown the colours that were always there…..sealed with an “interview” with….oh, what’s the name of that Mickey Mouse organisation? Oh, yes, mousechat. Micebook. Facemouse. Micechat! Yes…..really? Hardly mainstream hard-core is it? A website dedicated to entertainment parks. You’re singing to the choir, love.

You claim to speak the truth, but which truth is that, dear? The truth about SeaWorld? The truth about Blackfish? Do you even know what the truth really is? I doubt it.

I understand that you asked for your job back at SeaWorld? They said “no” I am told. Full credit to SeaWorld, even they can see that a loose cannon in their arsenal is not of benefit to them. Perhaps they are worried about your ability to communicate with the spirit world? I know I am.

Well, there you have it. All the questions I have ever wanted to ask BRIDGETTE PIRTLE even though I know she will never answer them. Call it posterity.



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